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ladylike nonsense

for ladies – hoes, skanks, and basic bitches also welcome…

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Parenting

i’m not judgemental, but i do judge mentals (a quote taken from nicole ritchie’s 2005 classic “the truth about diamonds”)

When people without children ask me how my little guy is doing, I usually respond by telling them he’s an asshole. 99% of the time, they are delighted with my candor, having steeled themselves for a long-winded poem about my... Continue Reading →

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a study of maternal duality (alternative title: yo, this bish cray)

I’m having a great moment. I feel like a bomb-ass mom – I’ve finished the laundry, done the shopping for the week, packed for my business trip, took my son and the dog out to the park for some fresh... Continue Reading →

submitted for the approval of the midnight society

I know you all think I’m this amazing, fearless, wonder woman with a can-do attitude and an ass that won’t quit, but I have a confession. I’m about to admit something on the internet that nobody should know. It’s shocking.... Continue Reading →

a letter to my former self from my current self (who’s clapping the f*ck back)

Dear Claire, For crying out loud, I forgot how salty you were. You think I didn’t see you making your way through the park, clearly on your way to a boozy meal with what will probably be very little nutritional... Continue Reading →

a letter to my current self from my former self (who’s kind of a real b*tch)

Dear Claire, Damn, girl. Dan and I were just walking through the park, on our way to boozy brunch, and I saw you. You were in a playground, pushing your kid on a swing, and you looked so happy and... Continue Reading →

baby books are basically instagram

My son turned one year old a few days, so naturally we had an EPIC RAGER!!! Jeez Louise, uptight fellow parents, take the sticks out of your tushies. I’m just kidding, it wasn’t an epic rager. ‘Twas only LEGENDARY! SEE... Continue Reading →

cordially, Claire – is taylor swift still cool, or is it all about jonathan taylor thomas again?

Hi Claire, I have a teenage daughter, and like most parents of kids that age, I am struggling to relate to her. She has wild mood swings, she’s embarrassed to be seen with me, and she is on her phone more than she’s not. But the worst part is actually talking to her – she uses bizarre slang and crazy references, and I can barely decipher what she’s saying. As it’s rare for her to say anything at all to me, I feel like I need to learn the lingo of today’s kids. Could you please help me out and explain what some of the current slang phrases mean?

cordially, Claire – queer eye for the straight mom (from another straight mom)

Claire, I am writing you with a very serious problem, and I truly hope you can help me. My 17 year old son just came out to me. That’s not the problem, the problem is that our family is tends to be homophobic, and they might not react well to his coming out. I want him to be who he is, but I don’t want him to lose his relationship with our family. Please help me manage this situation!

this is why we shouldn’t have nice things (but we do because we are terribly materialistic)

This might (and by ‘might’ I mean, ‘definitely will’) make me sound like an asshole, but I love cashmere. It’s so soft and it looks so luxe and you can wear it with jeans and look more après ski than... Continue Reading →

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