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ladylike nonsense

for ladies – hoes, skanks, and basic bitches also welcome…

makeup tips for dummies – a request, not a contribution

I’ve never been a big makeup person. I mean, I wear it but I don’t really know how to work it well. Mama and several dedicated carnies throughout my childhood taught me that painting your face turned you into a... Continue Reading →

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a study of maternal duality (alternative title: yo, this bish cray)

I’m having a great moment. I feel like a bomb-ass mom – I’ve finished the laundry, done the shopping for the week, packed for my business trip, took my son and the dog out to the park for some fresh... Continue Reading →

submitted for the approval of the midnight society

I know you all think I’m this amazing, fearless, wonder woman with a can-do attitude and an ass that won’t quit, but I have a confession. I’m about to admit something on the internet that nobody should know. It’s shocking.... Continue Reading →

a letter to my former self from my current self (who’s clapping the f*ck back)

Dear Claire, For crying out loud, I forgot how salty you were. You think I didn’t see you making your way through the park, clearly on your way to a boozy meal with what will probably be very little nutritional... Continue Reading →

the pale girl’s guide to the beach

Hey, you. I see you. I know you. I am you. You’re the pale girl on the beach. No, don’t get embarrassed! It’s ok! I would tell you not to be so paranoid, but we’re on the beaches of New... Continue Reading →

a letter to my current self from my former self (who’s kind of a real b*tch)

Dear Claire, Damn, girl. Dan and I were just walking through the park, on our way to boozy brunch, and I saw you. You were in a playground, pushing your kid on a swing, and you looked so happy and... Continue Reading →

baby books are basically instagram

My son turned one year old a few days, so naturally we had an EPIC RAGER!!! Jeez Louise, uptight fellow parents, take the sticks out of your tushies. I’m just kidding, it wasn’t an epic rager. ‘Twas only LEGENDARY! SEE... Continue Reading →

what makes a good runway model: genetics, diet & exercise, or taylor swift?

To the layperson, there is seemingly no rhyme or reason to what makes a good runway model. Hey, that stupid girl over there is tall and skinny and has a nice face and learned to walk at some point in... Continue Reading →

i don’t understand snapchat but it’s nice that you do

We get it, you guys – you face-swapped with your toddler and it’s HI-larious. OMG, look at you as a deer, that’s precious. And now you have a flower crown, good for you! Now, what do you do with these... Continue Reading →

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