Step One – Take your clothes off and look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look like Taylor Swift if she stopped trying to feature every celebrity friend she has in her music videos and really concentrated on her personal training? If yes, then skip to Step Six.
Are you bigger than Taylor Swift is now? Proceed to Step Two.
Are you the same size as Taylor Swift is now? She’s still too busy collaborating to up her gym game to meet crop top requirements, so also proceed to Step Two.
Step Two – Go to your refrigerator and throw out all Ben & Jerry’s, Haagen Daz, Edy’s, Klondike Bars, Choco Taco’s, Drumstick Cones, Bomb Pops, Popsicles, Fudgesicles, and Creamsicles. Your mouth belongs to kale from now on.
Step Three – Stop drinking anything but water. Just stop it.
Step Four – Go to your local gym and find the person doing the most one-handed pull-ups. Pay this person a handsome sum of money to dedicate at least 28 hours a week to training you. In your spare time (you know, while you’re not working with your trainer and eating kale), find a tall building and convince the security staff to let you run up and down the fire stairs. I said run, not walk.
Step Five – Continue Steps Two, Three, and Four until you look like Taylor Swift if she stopped trying to feature ever celebrity friend she has in her music videos and really concentrated on her personal training.
Step Six – Congratulations! You can wear a crop top!
Or just don’t even worry about it. It’s Fall, we have months before this becomes an issue again. Plus, who cares what your judgmental aunt thinks. Your slightly racist uncle? Screw them, they both need new bras.