We get it, you guys – you face-swapped with your toddler and it’s HI-larious. OMG, look at you as a deer, that’s precious. And now you have a flower crown, good for you! Now, what do you do with these selfie gems? Do you just put them on Snapchat and then they go away? Am I understanding this correctly? If you put in the effort to make yourself look like a puppy-dog, why can’t you keep that captured memory forever?? Also, can you only put text over the photo, or can you caption it like civilized people do, above or below the visual?

I genuinely don’t get Snapchat – why on Earth would you want your social media posts, which you worked HARD on, to only survive online for a short period of time? If I’m at work, being busy and important as usual, and I don’t check Snapchat for a day or so, do I miss your posts? Do I have to check it every day in order to keep up? Do I have to POST every day in order to keep up? WHO HAS TIME FOR THIS?? I mean, other than the millions of people who actively use and enjoy Snapchat, but pffff, what do they know? And before you think I’m some holier-than-thou, social-media-only-on-the-weekends-holidays-and-special-occasians snob, please note that I ‘Gram it up on the reg, and I often reference Facebook posts and the subsequent comments in polite conversation.  I heart social media, and I appreciate the convenience of it. I can share pics of my kid, look at pictures of your kid, check out that guy’s vacations photos, wish some bitch I used to work with happy birthday, and help my neighbor diagnose his rash all without having to actually see anyone. Magical.

If you enjoy Snapchat, I’m happy for you. Truly, I am! Keep on making your eyes all big and sparkly and putting words all over your pictures. Just don’t try to explain Snapchat to me, and please don’t try to get me to like it. You will be sorely disappointed in my lack of interest in it and/or my steadfast refusal to understand it, and also – just as a side note – I’m actually kind of proud of my aversion to it. And by kind of proud, I mean I’m writing blog articles about it so…

Cash me on Twitter, I guess.